Under the weather pollin'
Jun. 12th, 2007 04:13 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
scribblinlenoreAfter a fabulous fangirly Friday evening, I spent most of the rest of the weekend feeling under the weather. I called in sick yesterday, and I don't feel too much better today. I was hoping to leave early, but the meeting I came in for was rescheduled for five. Blah!!!
So, to make myself feel better, and as an antidote to the strain of Puritanism that's been too much in evidence on LJ lately, I made a poll. A DIRTY poll. I hope you'll join in the dirt.
[Poll #1002030]
A. An SGA forced to marry fairytale. Rodney is the bookish oldest son of the House of McKay. He's spent his entire life neglecting the art of war in favor of his passion for science. In fact, he's so unfit for defending the realm that the Elder McKay's adviser urges him, "Marry Rodney off to some nobleman and name your second son your successor." A sensible plan, and it just so happens that John, the newly ascended Elder of the House of Sheppard is looking to wed and prefers men. Rodney grumbles and is packed off very reluctantly, ready to defend his virtue from this so-called husband he's been saddled with. Then he sets eyes on John. Needless to say, he ends up quite willing on his wedding night, and it's actually three days later before he thinks to stir from John's bed. "I'm developing a reputation for being slutty, aren't I?" he asks, as John leads him out to the reception hall to meet his people. John and Rodney settle into their relationship and prove a happy couple. Now, it just so happens that Kolya the Dark has always had it in for John, and when he learns that John is not only newly married, but apparently quite smitten with his new spouse, he challenges him to a duel for control of the House of Sheppard, this being the way things are done in this fairy tale universe. Rodney has never paid much attention to trivial things like politics, so it takes him a while to realize that if John loses he'll be killed and Rodney will belong to Kolya. "Are you crazy?" he shrieks at John for accepting the challenge. "It's not like I had a choice," John tells him, "and there's no reason for you to worry." Rodney gets irate, "That's easy for you to say. You're not the one who's going to be a sex toy if you lose." John quips, "No, I'll just be the one who's dead." The night before the duel, John takes Rodney to bed, and makes wild love to him, and Rodney begs, "Don't die. Okay? Just don't die." And while John's inside Rodney, he whispers fiercely in his ear, "Do you honestly think I'd ever let anyone else have you?" The next day, John and Kolya fight the duel, and predictably, Kolya tries to cheat. But Rodney hasn't thought it wise to leave John to his own devices. He's put his learning to work to develop a secret weapon that ultimately helps John prevail. This slight set back aside, they go on to live happily ever after.
B. A Smallville indecent proposal. In this AU, Clark has a nice life, married to a nice girl, with a nice job working for her father's company. It's all so very...nice. Until he and his wife meet up with Lex Luthor at a nightclub while they're on vacation in Las Vegas. Lex strikes up a conversation and orders champagne, and Clark can't help sweating a little around the collar at how Lex is looking at him. After they've polished off the first bottle of Cristal, Lex makes his offer, "A million dollars for one night." The wife starts to get huffy, until Lex smiles and clarifies, "I meant with your husband."
Then her expression turns calculating. Clark stares at her. "You don't really want me to-- do you?" She hisses under her breath, "It's just one night. Think of everything we could do with that money." Lex makes a gallant exit, "I'll leave you two to discuss it. Come to my suite tomorrow at seven if you decide to take me up on the offer." Naturally, what wifey-poo wants wifey-poo gets, and the next night, there's Clark, outside Lex's door on the dot of seven. Lex asks him in and makes him a drink and invites him to sit down. They settle on to the sofa, and it takes all Clark's self-discipline not to shatter the glass in his hands. Yeah. He's a little nervous. So Lex kisses him, quick and sweet, making Clark's heart pound. Lex quirks a grin. "I just wanted to get that out of the way, so you can relax. Nothing's going to happen that you don't want." Clark nods and thinks "what a relief," and then suddenly, he's reaching for Lex, for another kiss. And it occurs to him: not wanting it so isn't going to be the problem here.
C. SPN boys pretending to be gay. There's a spiteful spirit (or demon or something, blah, blah, plotcakes) on the loose in Podunksville's lone gay sex club, and it's our heroes to the rescue. The spirit always seems to target the raunchiest, randiest, most hypersexed couple at the club on the nights it's doing its stalking. So not only do Sam and Dean have to go undercover as a gay couple. They have to attract its attention, so they can exorcise it. That means being the hottest, sweatiest, sexiest couple there. It's slow going at first. The first night, they sit at the bar and drink beers, and Dean balks when Sam tries to kiss him. "We've got six dead men, Dean," Sam reminds him. "Yeah, yeah," Dean says. The next night, they work up to dancing, kissing, shirts unbuttoned, Dean's hand sliding down the back of Sam's pants. But the spirit goes after two other guys, so they have to ramp up their game a little more. The next night, they make out against the wall in a shadowy corner, touching and groping and rutting against each other. "That was just to get the spirit's attention," Dean says defensively afterwards, still a little out of breath. Sam nods, not all that convincingly. "What else would it be? It's not like we really want to have sex with each other." Finally, they end up in the club's back room, all sofas and easy chairs and moody lighting, where the hot and heavy action goes down. Dean pushes Sam down onto one of the chairs, and strips off his own shirt, and gets to his knees. "Dean," Sam moans as he unzips his pants. Dean goes down on him, and Sam can't help himself. He has to thrust, has to fuck Dean's mouth. "Touch yourself," he whimpers breathlessly. Dean shoves a hand down his pants and jerks off while he blows Sam. The spirit comes after them that night, and they vanquish it. "So," Dean says afterwards, rather reluctantly, "what a relief we won't have to have sex anymore, huh?" Sam nods in agreement, not at all convincingly. "Yeah. That's just great." Afer a moment, a sad moment, Dean has an idea, "I'll bet there are other haunted gay sex clubs." Sam brightens. "There must be." They go off in search of them, and indeed they do exist. In many, many, many towns all over the country.
D. Brotherly body switch a la Heroes. Nathan and Peter have one of their semi-regular "we can't keep doing this" fights, in which Nathan tries to get back on the straight and non-incestuous narrow, and Peter's having none of it. When--wham!--some freak something occurs, and they switch bodies. Once the disorientation clears, and they realize they just have to wait for whatever happened to wear off, Nathan goes into lecture mode about what Peter is and isn't allowed to do while in his body. Nathan has a reputation to maintain, after all. Peter was already pissed about Nathan trying to dump him, and this is just the last straw. He goes on a somewhat vengeful sex bender, amused by the notion of his control freak brother being utterly debauched. This angers Nathan, naturally, but it also makes him jealous. He may not think he should be having sex with Peter, but it's not like he wants anyone else having sex with him, either. He inherited Peter's powers along with his body, so he sets about sabotaging Peter's sexcapades, in his own subtle, tricky way, of course. "If you want me all for yourself, why don't you just take me?" Peter confronts him. Nathan is only human, and his resolve finally snaps. They have hot, sticky, fierce sex--a complete head trip for Nathan, since when he fucks Peter, it's his own body he's penetrating. They don't come up for air for a few days, and by then, whatever happened has worn off. They've reverted back to their own bodies. Peter cuddles against Nathan in an insistent way that translates, "Don't think you're getting rid of me so easily." Nathan sighs and says, "Okay, Pete. Okay. I think you've made your point."
So, to make myself feel better, and as an antidote to the strain of Puritanism that's been too much in evidence on LJ lately, I made a poll. A DIRTY poll. I hope you'll join in the dirt.
[Poll #1002030]
A. An SGA forced to marry fairytale. Rodney is the bookish oldest son of the House of McKay. He's spent his entire life neglecting the art of war in favor of his passion for science. In fact, he's so unfit for defending the realm that the Elder McKay's adviser urges him, "Marry Rodney off to some nobleman and name your second son your successor." A sensible plan, and it just so happens that John, the newly ascended Elder of the House of Sheppard is looking to wed and prefers men. Rodney grumbles and is packed off very reluctantly, ready to defend his virtue from this so-called husband he's been saddled with. Then he sets eyes on John. Needless to say, he ends up quite willing on his wedding night, and it's actually three days later before he thinks to stir from John's bed. "I'm developing a reputation for being slutty, aren't I?" he asks, as John leads him out to the reception hall to meet his people. John and Rodney settle into their relationship and prove a happy couple. Now, it just so happens that Kolya the Dark has always had it in for John, and when he learns that John is not only newly married, but apparently quite smitten with his new spouse, he challenges him to a duel for control of the House of Sheppard, this being the way things are done in this fairy tale universe. Rodney has never paid much attention to trivial things like politics, so it takes him a while to realize that if John loses he'll be killed and Rodney will belong to Kolya. "Are you crazy?" he shrieks at John for accepting the challenge. "It's not like I had a choice," John tells him, "and there's no reason for you to worry." Rodney gets irate, "That's easy for you to say. You're not the one who's going to be a sex toy if you lose." John quips, "No, I'll just be the one who's dead." The night before the duel, John takes Rodney to bed, and makes wild love to him, and Rodney begs, "Don't die. Okay? Just don't die." And while John's inside Rodney, he whispers fiercely in his ear, "Do you honestly think I'd ever let anyone else have you?" The next day, John and Kolya fight the duel, and predictably, Kolya tries to cheat. But Rodney hasn't thought it wise to leave John to his own devices. He's put his learning to work to develop a secret weapon that ultimately helps John prevail. This slight set back aside, they go on to live happily ever after.
B. A Smallville indecent proposal. In this AU, Clark has a nice life, married to a nice girl, with a nice job working for her father's company. It's all so very...nice. Until he and his wife meet up with Lex Luthor at a nightclub while they're on vacation in Las Vegas. Lex strikes up a conversation and orders champagne, and Clark can't help sweating a little around the collar at how Lex is looking at him. After they've polished off the first bottle of Cristal, Lex makes his offer, "A million dollars for one night." The wife starts to get huffy, until Lex smiles and clarifies, "I meant with your husband."
Then her expression turns calculating. Clark stares at her. "You don't really want me to-- do you?" She hisses under her breath, "It's just one night. Think of everything we could do with that money." Lex makes a gallant exit, "I'll leave you two to discuss it. Come to my suite tomorrow at seven if you decide to take me up on the offer." Naturally, what wifey-poo wants wifey-poo gets, and the next night, there's Clark, outside Lex's door on the dot of seven. Lex asks him in and makes him a drink and invites him to sit down. They settle on to the sofa, and it takes all Clark's self-discipline not to shatter the glass in his hands. Yeah. He's a little nervous. So Lex kisses him, quick and sweet, making Clark's heart pound. Lex quirks a grin. "I just wanted to get that out of the way, so you can relax. Nothing's going to happen that you don't want." Clark nods and thinks "what a relief," and then suddenly, he's reaching for Lex, for another kiss. And it occurs to him: not wanting it so isn't going to be the problem here.
C. SPN boys pretending to be gay. There's a spiteful spirit (or demon or something, blah, blah, plotcakes) on the loose in Podunksville's lone gay sex club, and it's our heroes to the rescue. The spirit always seems to target the raunchiest, randiest, most hypersexed couple at the club on the nights it's doing its stalking. So not only do Sam and Dean have to go undercover as a gay couple. They have to attract its attention, so they can exorcise it. That means being the hottest, sweatiest, sexiest couple there. It's slow going at first. The first night, they sit at the bar and drink beers, and Dean balks when Sam tries to kiss him. "We've got six dead men, Dean," Sam reminds him. "Yeah, yeah," Dean says. The next night, they work up to dancing, kissing, shirts unbuttoned, Dean's hand sliding down the back of Sam's pants. But the spirit goes after two other guys, so they have to ramp up their game a little more. The next night, they make out against the wall in a shadowy corner, touching and groping and rutting against each other. "That was just to get the spirit's attention," Dean says defensively afterwards, still a little out of breath. Sam nods, not all that convincingly. "What else would it be? It's not like we really want to have sex with each other." Finally, they end up in the club's back room, all sofas and easy chairs and moody lighting, where the hot and heavy action goes down. Dean pushes Sam down onto one of the chairs, and strips off his own shirt, and gets to his knees. "Dean," Sam moans as he unzips his pants. Dean goes down on him, and Sam can't help himself. He has to thrust, has to fuck Dean's mouth. "Touch yourself," he whimpers breathlessly. Dean shoves a hand down his pants and jerks off while he blows Sam. The spirit comes after them that night, and they vanquish it. "So," Dean says afterwards, rather reluctantly, "what a relief we won't have to have sex anymore, huh?" Sam nods in agreement, not at all convincingly. "Yeah. That's just great." Afer a moment, a sad moment, Dean has an idea, "I'll bet there are other haunted gay sex clubs." Sam brightens. "There must be." They go off in search of them, and indeed they do exist. In many, many, many towns all over the country.
D. Brotherly body switch a la Heroes. Nathan and Peter have one of their semi-regular "we can't keep doing this" fights, in which Nathan tries to get back on the straight and non-incestuous narrow, and Peter's having none of it. When--wham!--some freak something occurs, and they switch bodies. Once the disorientation clears, and they realize they just have to wait for whatever happened to wear off, Nathan goes into lecture mode about what Peter is and isn't allowed to do while in his body. Nathan has a reputation to maintain, after all. Peter was already pissed about Nathan trying to dump him, and this is just the last straw. He goes on a somewhat vengeful sex bender, amused by the notion of his control freak brother being utterly debauched. This angers Nathan, naturally, but it also makes him jealous. He may not think he should be having sex with Peter, but it's not like he wants anyone else having sex with him, either. He inherited Peter's powers along with his body, so he sets about sabotaging Peter's sexcapades, in his own subtle, tricky way, of course. "If you want me all for yourself, why don't you just take me?" Peter confronts him. Nathan is only human, and his resolve finally snaps. They have hot, sticky, fierce sex--a complete head trip for Nathan, since when he fucks Peter, it's his own body he's penetrating. They don't come up for air for a few days, and by then, whatever happened has worn off. They've reverted back to their own bodies. Peter cuddles against Nathan in an insistent way that translates, "Don't think you're getting rid of me so easily." Nathan sighs and says, "Okay, Pete. Okay. I think you've made your point."