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This was inspired by what we didn't see in "Witness."

***

Asset Management
by Lenore

Disclaimer: Hey, I'm only in it for the fun.

Rating: NC-17

Summary: Size matters. But not always.

Notes: Big thanks to [livejournal.com profile] velvetglove and [livejournal.com profile] kormanfan for beta reading!

***



Asset Management
by Lenore

Clark would not have said he was dreaming about his first time with Lana, but only because he thought it sounded kind of girly. He did freely admit that he had been thinking about it, very enthusiastically, for some time now. And, while he didn't necessarily picture a room bathed in candlelight and a bed strewn with rose petals--because, hey, still a guy--he did want it to be an occasion to remember.

When it turned out to be highly memorable, but not in the good way, he kicked himself for not being more specific about what he wished for.

Clark had thought the hard part would be finding the right place. He didn't want their first time to be rushed and furtive, up in the loft or in the office at the Talon with the door locked. But where could two teenagers be alone without anyone walking in on them? It presented quite the challenge.

The answer came, rather surprisingly, from Mr. Hawthorn, part-time n eighbor of the Kents, full-time obnoxious yuppie. Mr. Hawthorn came to his country cottage in Smallville on the weekends to bird watch and feel superior to the locals. The rest of his time he spent in Metropolis making a fortune in the stock market and be dding his brokerage firm's hot young secretaries. Or so he liked to claim.

"Young Farmer Kent," Mr. Hawthorn's voice rang out one afternoon as Clark was pitching hay.

Clark's back went stiff with irritation. He really hated being called that. In fact, he couldn't recall a single conversation in which Mr. Hawthorn hadn't managed to insult him or his family in some way.

Only the threat of one of his father's long-winded, platitude-filled speeches kept him polite.

"What can I do for you, Mr. Hawthorn?" he asked, as pleasantly as possible.

"Going to be away for a month, Kent. Business. Can't get out of it. I need someone to check in on the house for me. Keep an eye on things. Pays $50 a week. Thought of you. Your family could use a few extra dollars, I expect."

To Clark's credit, the urge to blast the man with his heat vision was only fleeting.

"Sure, Mr. Hawthorn. I can do that for you."

"Great." He handed Clark the keys. "Every other day or so is fine. And don't be shy about bringing your little cu pcake along. I expect the back seat of the car is starting to get old by now."

Clark blushed ferociously. "Mr. Hawthorn, I wouldn't--"

The man held up his hand. "I don't mind, Kent. That's what I'm trying to tell you. I remember what it was like to b e a teenager. Just make sure you clean up after yourselves. I'll be back on the 19th."

Clark's mouth hung open as he watched the man walk away. He briefly considered hurling a hay bale through the windshield of his impeccably detailed BMW. Hey, freak fa r m a ccidents did happen. But then he remembered the key in his hand and shrugged. Mr. Hawthorn might be a creep, but Clark was sure Lana would think the cottage was cute. That was almost enough to make him forget the cupcake remark.

***

Of course, Clar k kn ew the most difficult part would be talking Lana into the plan. They'd only broached the topic of sex in the vaguest terms before. Lana had mentioned something about waiting, although she hadn't specified what she was waiting for.

Over the next few week s, Clark found himself sounding like every pushy boy ever portrayed in an after-school special. He made earnest pronouncements about taking their relationship to the next level and demonstrating their commitment to each other. He talked about love b eing a verb, the most beautiful thing two people could do together. He said he would respect her forever.

When that failed to get any reaction at all, he wheedled, cajoled and finally just flat-out begged.

It was the begging that ultimately did the tric k.

Ju st as Clark predicted, Lana thought the cottage was "totally adorable." He shyly gave her a bunch of wildflowers he'd picked. She smiled, and he led her into the bedroom. Golden late-afternoon light streamed in through the windows as they star ted t o undre ss, and everything seemed to be going his way, at long last.

Later, he would fault himself for forgetting about Murphy's Law, the ever-present force that governed the life of Clark Kent. But, God, who would ever have guessed things could go that wrong?

Clark had expected Lana to be timid about seeing him naked, but he'd never imagined her backing away shrieking in terror. He tried to calm her down through a steady, hysterical stream of Good God, what is that? and It's jus t not natural! Clark wondered if maybe super powers of persuasion might be one of his gifts, because he did eventually get Lana onto the bed and convinced her to let him try. Although her wailed litany of It's never going to fit! was rather distracti ng.

Fin ally, it all devolved into a fit of tears--not his, at least--although he was rather tempted. Lana pushed him away and scooted off the bed, keeping a wary eye on his cock as if she was afraid it might lunge at her. She grabbed her clothes and thr ew them o n haphazardly. Clark watched her flee, her jeans still undone, feet bare, shirt bunched up in the back showing her bra strap, apparently too frantic to get away to even care.

So much for being physically indistinguishable from human s, C lark thoug ht, miserably.

***

Clark knew the rules of the locker room as well as any guy, and he'd always kept his eyes to himself before. But now, he was desperately in need of comparative data, and he figured having some of his classmates convinced he was scopin g them out was a small price to pay for this very important research. What he discovered put him in an even blacker mood than Lana treating him like he was invisible every time she had the misfortune to run into him.

Contemplating a long life of enforced celibacy took its toll on Clark, and by Thursday afternoon, he was a depressed, embittered basket case hiding out in the loft, unfit for human company. In more ways than one.

When he heard a tread on the creaky stairs, he called ou t rather testily, "I don't want to talk about it, Mom, okay?"

"Okay by me, Clark. Although I have to say your tone seems a bit hostile. I'm sure your mother is only trying to be helpful."

Clark's head snapped up. "What are you doing here, Lex?"

"Just thought I'd come by an d check on you. You've been kind of missing in action lately."

"Can no one around here grasp the concept that I just want to be left alone?"

Lex held up his hands. "Hey, I didn't mean to bother you. I'm just concerned, that's all. One day you're telling me that you and Lana are meant to be, and the next she's bursting into tears anytime anyone mentions your name down at the Talon."

Clark's face darkened. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Does this have something to do with why you had to leave the engagement party early? With what happened to Walden?"

Clark jumped to his feet. "Can't you mind your own business for once in your life?"

Lex's jaw tightened. "I'm just trying to help, Clark."

"Well, you can't. Nobody can. So leave it alone. Okay?"

"How do you know no one can help if you don't give anybody the chance? Maybe that's the problem with Lana. Maybe if you'd just--"

"That is not the problem with Lana."

"If you'd confide in me, I might be able to--"

Clark's eyes flashed with rage. "You want to know so much? Fine. I'll tell you. What Walden said is true. I am an alien. No actual plans to take over the world, but still. An alien. And not just any old alien. But an alien with such a freakishly h uge extra terrestrial c ock that I'll never, ever be able to have sex with anyone. Is that enough information for you, Lex? Are you happy now?"

"Clark." Lex's voice had taken on the soothing quality people instinctively used with fretful children and ski ttish anim als. "Just try to calm down. I'm sure it's not--"

"Don't tell me to calm down. How would you feel if you could never--"

"How do you know that? I don't understand where you've gotten this idea. Does it have something to do with why you and Lan a are avoid ing each other? Did she tell you that you're too big?"

Clark looked down at the floor. "She practically ran for her life."

"Clark." Lex put his hand on Clark's shoulder and squeezed reassuringly. "It's going to be okay. I swear. Come sit dow n. Let's fig ure this out."

Clark took a deep breath, his anger evaporating, and he let Lex guide him over to the sofa.

"So what happened?" Lex asked.

He sighed. "We were, you know--" He turned a little red. "It was our first time. And everything was g oing fine unt il she saw-- And then she freaked out. I mean, she still let me try, but she kept saying it wasn't going to fit. And I was--God! So nervous. And I couldn't-- No matter what I did, it just wouldn't-- And she cried. And ran. I wasn't making t hat up." He shook his head. "I'm too big for humans, Lex. I'll hurt anyone I try to have sex with."

Lex nudged him with his elbow. "Come on, Clark. I don't mean any disrespect to Lana, but she's not particularly experienced and hardly the best judge of t hese things."

"I've seen th e other guys in the locker room, Lex. I'm--well, let's just say I'm in a league of my own."

"I'm sure you're just at the far end of the normal range."

Clark made a skeptical face.

"Have you ever seen a gay porn video, Clark?"

Clark squi rmed uncomfortably. "Uh. No."

"Well, those guys have massive dicks. You can't possibly be bigger than that, or it wouldn't fit in your pants. And if they fuck other men, then you can certainly sleep with a woman without fear of doing bodil y injury. Trust me on this."

"Um, so you…you, uh…watch gay porn?"

Lex blinked. And then smiled. "You know, Clark, I truly appreciate that you've refused to draw any conclusions from the fact that I spend the GDP of a small country on clothes and my favo rite color is lilac. But, yes, I do swing both ways."

Clark couldn't help staring. "Really?" Lex had always seemed so devoted to chasing women. And he was engaged to Helen.

"Really. But that's not important. We were talking about you and your, er--challenge. I know you had an unfortunate experience with Lana, but size wasn't really the problem. You were nervous. She was scared. Nobody has good sex when they're tense."

"So what am I supposed to do?"

"You just need some confidence, so you can put Lana at ease. If you are bigg er than the average guy, you might have to do things a little differently, go slower, be more careful. You just need some practice, you know, managing your assets."

Clark started to get agitated again. "That's just great, L ex. Where exactly am I supposed to get this practice?"

"From somebody more experienced. Somebody who's patient. Who'll work with you. A good teacher."

"I don't know any girls like that. And even if I did, I couldn't have sex with them. That would be cheating. I mean, Lana and I may n ot exactly be speaking to each other right now, but we didn't break up, either."

"I can do it for you."

Clark had never thought jaws could actually drop, but then his did. "What did you just say?"

"It's the only logical answer. I mean, it won't be chea ting. Sex between guys is in a whole different category. And, besides, it's therapeutic. More medical than sensual. And if you're not too big to penetrate a man, you won't have any worries with women." Lex looked pleased with himself. "It's the perfect so lution, don't you think?

But Clark's brain was still lagging a step behind. "You mean--you want me to--" He turned scarlet. He couldn't even say the word. "To you?"

"That is the idea," Lex said, dryly. "Don't worry. I have done this before, Clark."

"B ut--"

"Unless you've made your peace with staying a virgin for the rest of your life."

Clark glared at him. "You know I haven't."

"So, come on. Lighten up. I know I'm no Lana, but--"

"It's not that, Lex."

"Then what's the problem?"

"The problem is t hat I'm huge. Seriously. I know you think I'm exaggerating, but, trust me, I'm not. I appreciate that you want to help me. I really do. But it won't fit, and I don't want to hurt you."

"Clark, I can handle it. You trust me. The only question is where we can go. I'm afraid the castle is out, for obvious reasons."

"If this is going to come between you and Helen--"

"Helen knows I'm bisexual. She understands I'm going to sleep with the occasional man, and s he's okay with it. She just doesn't ever want to know the details. So don't worry about that. Still, it does leave the issue of where."

"Well, actually--I mean, if you're sure it's not going to cause you any trouble--"

Lex smiled confidently. "I'm posi tive."

"Then I know a place. But it'll have to be tomorrow." Henry Hawthorn was due back the day after that. "Is that okay?"

"Tomorrow's fine."

"Okay. Come get me when school's over, and I'll take you there."

"Great," Lex said, getting to his feet, lo oking perfectly casual, as if they'd just made a plan to play pool instead of-- "See you then, Clark."

He headed for the stairs.

"Lex?"

He stopped. "Yeah?"

"Uh. Thanks."

Lex shrugged. "Hey, what are friends for?" And disappeared down the stairs.

Fra nkly, Clark had never thought it was for practicing sexual penetration, but then, clearly, there was a lot about this human life he still had to learn.

***

The next day, Lex was right on time to pick him up. Clark gave him directions. Otherwise, they di dn't say much. Clark was practically vibrating out of his skin he was so nervous. Lex seemed perfectly relaxed, just not in the mood to chat.

They pulled up to the cottage, and Lex raised an eyebrow at him. "Henry Hawthorn's place?"

Clark shrugged. "Hey, he said I cou ld bring my cupcake o ver for some nookie as a fringe benefit to watching the place for him."

"He didn't really say that."

"He did."

Lex rolled his eyes. "That guy is such a jerk. I'm always hiding behind potted plants at charity events to try to avoid him."

"Hey, we can a lways snoop through his drawers afterwards, if you want. I have the feeling we'd find plenty of blackmail material."

Lex grinned.

Inside, Clark led him to the bedroom.

"Um. So. Should I just--" He trailed off. N o way could he s ay "whip it out" to Lex.

Lex's eyes sparkled with amusement. "Come here." He pulled Clark over to him by his belt loops and started to unbuckle his belt.

Clark sucked in a surprised breath. "You're going to--"

"Assess the situation." Lex unbuttoned and unzipped Clark's jeans, gently pulled down his underwear. "Oh, my."

He wasn't screaming or backing away, which was a definite improvement. But Lex was staring. More in awe than terror, Clark thought. But still. Staring.

Clark fidgeted nervously. "I'm n o bigger than the guys in those videos, right, Lex?"

"Well, Clark--let's just say that if you had any inclination toward a career in the adult entertainment industry you'd definitely be a star."

"Fuck! It's hopeless. I knew it was."

"Don't panic. We ha ven't even gotten started yet."

Lex pulled out a small tube from his pocket, squirted something into his hand and reached for Clark's cock.

Clark's eyes widened. "What are you--"

"I need to know the full extent of what we're dealing with."

"Oh." Clark swallowed nervously.

Things had gone really badly with Lana after she'd seen him hard. He could only hope his enormous alien erection didn't drive Lex away, too.

But Lex didn't look as if he was planning to go anywhere anytime soon. He stroked Clark's cock and stared, the l ittle pink tip of his tongue peeking out at the corner of his mouth. Clark would not have predicted he'd respond to a man's touch like this, but then, it was Lex. And Lex certainly knew what he was doing. It took every bit of self-control Clark had not to whimper, not to push himself into Lex's hand. This was supposed to be educational, and Lex was his friend. Rutting against him like a horny dog just seemed rude.

"It's okay, Clark," Lex coaxed, gently. "Do what ever feels good. That's the whole point."

Clark let out a grateful sigh and eagerly thrust his hips forward. "God. That's just--incredible."

"Yeah, Clark. Yeah." Little flick of his wrist, and Clark moaned in the back of his throat. "Get comfortable. Ta ke your shirt off."

"Mmm." He scrambled to get his T-shirt over his head. "I want--"

"Take off whatever you want," Lex urged.

His skin was so hot, and everything felt so good. And Lex didn't seem to find his body in any way appalling. In fact, Lex licked his lips wheneve r he looked at him. Clar k quickly ditched his pants and underwear.

"God, yeah." Lex ran a hand down his side. "Big and gorgeous everywhere."

Clark pressed himself close. He fingered the buttons of Lex's shirt. "Can I?"

Lex nodded, his eyes shining. Cl ark's hands shook, and it made him clumsy. But he really wanted to be the one to get Lex naked. Lex was a paragon of patience and let him. Clark finally managed to peel Lex's shirt and pants off. He hesitated a little at his briefs, b ut the need to see everything chased away his shyness.

Clark had never considered the possibility that a man could be beautiful to him, but Lex was. He really was.

Their eyes met, and everything else seemed to recede. Clark felt certain Lex could read h is expression, could see everything Clark was thinking, wanting, but he couldn't look away. And then his lips were on Lex's. Or Lex's were on his. He couldn't be sure who made the first move. Not that it mattered. Not when Lex's mouth was hot and sweet, h is tongue inquisitive, his naked body, slim and strong, pressed against Clark's, skin sliding over skin.

Any thought of what they were there to accomplish got lost in the heat and the need, until Lex pulled away. "Foreplay is important," he said, breathi ng heavily. "It'll ma ke her more comfortable. Put her in the mood."

Clark blinked, confused for a moment. "Oh, right. Right. Good."

And it was, damned good, any excuse to kiss Lex again.

His hands hovered hesitantly at Lex's hips. "Is it okay--"

"Yea h. Touch me," Lex said, urgently. "Touch me. An ything you want, Clark."

Clark's touch was tentative at first, delicate little brushes of his fingers along Lex's sides. But all the different textures of Lex's body, lean muscle of his belly, hard jut of h is hip bones, smooth, smooth skin everywhere, an d it fascinated him. Made him bolder. He'd never thought much about the vein running along his own cock, but he had to explore Lex's, follow it with his fingers, learn Lex's cock completely.

"Please!"

Lex begging, and that was--God--better than Clark ev er thought anything could be. He wrapped his hand around Lex's cock and pumped experimentally.

Lex's head fell back. "Oh, God! Clark."

And Clark got it now. This was how sex was supposed to feel, like y ou were giving the oth er person something, not fra ught and shameful, like you were trying to take something away. He moved his hand on Lex's cock, doing to him all the things he did to himself, and every hitch of Lex's breath, every little whimper, ever y desperate moan was the best present ever.

When Le x batted his hands away, Clark started to protest. But Lex's eyes were dark and bottomless, and Clark could only stare.

"Come over here." Lex's voice was commanding, and Clark let him take his hand.

L ex led him to the bed, and Clark's heart started to beat faster. Lex sat down on the edge of the mattress, maneuvered Clark by the hips until he was standing in front of him.

"It'll help if you take the edge off first," Lex explained. "So you can be more patient, take your ti me."

Clark's eyes went wide. "Oh."

He was pretty sure that even if he had a normal-sized, non-alien dick Lana would never take it in her mouth. But Lex licked his lips and bent his head, and Clark really couldn't see the need to share that particular in formation, not right this moment.

Not when just the sight of Lex going down on him was going to provide jerk-off material for the rest of his life, his throbbing dick stretching Lex's soft, pink, scar-split lips. Hot, wet suction, in all the right places, and Clark could never again fault his cock, no matter how oversized or alien or inconvenient it proved to be, not when it made him feel this spectacularly good. Lex hummed softly as if Clark tasted really, really delicious, and there was just no way anyone could last long with Lex Luthor making yummy noises around his cock like that.

Clark gripped Lex's shoulders and tried to warn him. "Stop! I'm going to--"

But Lex just sucked harder, until Clark bucked up and shouted his name and came in long, mind-melting spurts.

Clark panted like he'd run a marathon. Lex licked the come from his lips with a flick of his tongue, and that did not make it any easier for Clark to breathe.

Lex petted his hips. "If she won't suck you, you can jack yourself off before you go to meet her," he said.

Clark lowered his eyes. "Oh. Um, okay."

Lex smiled up at him, pressed a kiss to his belly. "Hey, don't go getting an attack of Kent guilt on me. I'm not Lana. I liked sucking you."

"You did?" he asked, both pleased and surprised.

"Of course. You're not only gorgeous, but you taste good, too." Lex winked at him.

Clark turned pink, but in a good way. He eyed Lex's erection curiously.

"Can I--"

"I'd love that. But you need to get me ready. I want to come when you'r e fucking me."

Clark's pulse spiked off the charts. His spent cock stirred painfully to life again; thirty seconds wasn't enough recovery time even for him. Lex stretched out on the bed, turned on his side.

"What do I do?" Clar k asked, his voice embarra ssingly high-pitched.

"Don't be nervous. Just come lie down beside me."

Clark nodded. He knew how to do that, at least. He slid onto the bed, pressed his chest against Lex's back. He brushed a kiss to Lex's shoulder, and Lex let out a satisfied little s igh.

Clark buried his face in the curve of Lex's neck. "Mmmm."

"What?" Lex reached back and stroked Clark's hair.

"Nothing," he said, a little sheepishly. "It's just--you smell good."

Lex pulled Clark's hand to his mouth, kissed his palm and then pre ssed the tube into it.

"What--"

"Lube. The best friend a guy with a big cock can ever have."

"You mean, you want me to--"

"With your fingers first. Loosen me up. And then a lot of it on your cock. You'll want to do the same thing with her, even if she's really wet. Trust me. Lube makes everything easier. And much better."

Clark rubbed nervous circles over Lex's thigh. "You're sure you want--"

Lex glanced back over his shoulder. "I'm sure, Clark. I'll like it. I promise." A deep, wet kiss as a pledge.

Clark fumbled with the lube and then fumbled some more getting his finger into Lex's body. He wouldn't have expected anyone to like being poked like this, but Lex rocked his hips back for more and made eager, encouraging li ttle noises.

"That's good, t hat's good," he said when it was enough, and Clark withdrew his fingers.

Lex pulled himself up onto his knees and straddled Clark's lap. Clark's eyes went big, and he suddenly forgot everything he'd ever known about the mech anics of breathing.

"Just rel ax," Lex said. "Let me do all the work."

Lex scooted forward a little and positioned himself over Clark's cock.

"If your partner's on top, she'll feel more secure," he explained. "Knowing the penetration is completely unde r her control. She can go as sl owly as she wants, take all th e time she needs to adjust."

Lex slowly began to sink onto his cock, and Clark's mouth fell open and his eyes squeezed shut. Okay, so he had been dreaming about sex, even if that did sound gi rly. In fact, he spent practical ly every waking moment fantasiz ing about it. And yet, nothing could have prepared him for the reality.

But then he heard a labored sound, and his eyes popped open. Lex's face was grim, determined. His hands shook where h e gripped Clark's shoulder. Clear ly he was in pain, and Clark did n't want anything badly enough to hurt Lex. Ever.

"Don't force it," he said. "Please. I would never forgive myself if--"

A quick, sharp kiss. "You're sweet, Clark. But you give up way to o easily."

Sweat beaded along Le x's forehead. He was panting hard. And Clark thought it was hardly overreacting to suggest they stop. But Lex always had been stubborn.

"Talk to me," Lex said. "Encourage me. Distract me. Get me hot. Tell me what you'd tell her."

And Clark knew there was no dissuading him.

So he kiss ed Lex's mouth. "You don't know how amazing you look doing that." Kissed his neck. "How good you feel." Licked his collarbone. "How much I want to be inside you."

Lex moaned. Clark's ha nds roamed all over his pale body, rubbing a nipple, stroking his thighs, tracing the muscles of his biceps as they flexed. And suddenly he realized. This had nothing to do with Lana.

"You're so beautiful, Lex," he whispered.

Lex blinked. And then he kissed Clark fiercely. Let out a loud hiss and pressed down onto Clark's cock until his ass rested in Clark's lap.

Clark bit his lip, hard, against the sudden pleasure of being all the way inside Lex. "God," he gasped. "You're so tight." He rubbed Lex's arms. "Are you okay?"

Lex's expre ssion was still strained, but he n odded. "I'm fine. How do you feel?"

"God. Incredible. This is so amazing."

Lex's lopsided grin. "It gets even better."

"How--"

But then Lex moved, and every nerve in Clark's body l it up like a sky full of fireworks o n the Fourth of July.

"Fuck!"

Lex laughed. "Yeah. Fuck. You're fucking me, Clark. I told you that you weren't too big."

And, God, Clark had never been so glad to be wrong in his entire life. Clark held Lex's hips, a nd Lex twisted and shimmied and bobbed, until Clark was half blacking ou t he came so hard. Lex's come splattered his chest as he climaxed too, calling out "Oh, God. Oh, Clark."

Lex slumped against him in exhaustion, and Clark held him tenderly, his hand s wandering aimlessly over his back. Finally, Lex carefully disengaged hi mself and groaned softly as he settled down onto the mattress.

Clark tensed. "God. Did I hurt you?"

Lex smiled. "I'll be a little sore. That's all. How are you doing?"

Clark coul dn't help his bright, goofy grin. "I'm fantastic."

"I'm glad," Lex murmur ed, softly. "Mmmm." He curled up and closed his eyes.

Clark lay down beside him, gently pulled Lex into his arms.

"It's okay, Clark," Lex said, sleepily. "You kind of wore me out. I just need to rest a minute. You d on't have to stay if you don't want to."

Clark tucked Lex's head under his chin, pressed a kiss to his temple, rubbed his shoulders.

"I don't think that's something you want to teach me, is it? To run out on a pers on who's just made my eyes roll back i n my head?"

He felt Lex's smile again st his chest, and Clark smiled too. He'd just had sex. With his best friend. Who was a man. Who knew he was an alien. And didn't think his cock was too big at all.

Clark had ne ver felt better in his life.

***

Afte r his afternoon with Lex, Clark felt li ke a prisoner who had been suddenly, miraculously paroled. No bleak, endless future of cold showers and lonely masturbation for him. No, sir!

He went around whistling, a big smile on his face. His parents didn't know what to make of him. Pete asked, onl y half-jokingly, if he was on crack. Clark didn't care. He wasn't too alien to have a normal sex life. The world was a beautiful place.

Of course, things were still tense wi th Lana. Lex had advised him to play it cool, to let her come to him, and for ano ther long week he held back, tried to stay patient whenever she startled like a nervous cat around him. He had just about given up hope. In fact, he was even starting to thi nk maybe it was for the best it hadn't w orked out between them. If she couldn't handle his--uh, extra bounty, she certainly wasn't going to be thrilled about his other, more significant differences.

But then one day, out of the blue, she showed up at hi s locker right before fifth period.

"He y, Clark."

He swallowed nervously. "Lana."

She looked down at the floor. "I, uh--just wanted to say--" She shifted her weight awkwardly. "I'm sorry, Clark. I shouldn't have acted like that. I just-- It took me b y surprise, and I--didn't handle it very w ell. Do you think you can forgive me?"

Th e tight feeling in his chest eased a little. "Sure. I mean, I know it was--um, kind of startling and--"

"I want to try again."

He blinked. "What?"

"We were both nervous. And I'm sure if we just take things slo w…I don't want to give up on us, just becau se you're--" She blushed delicately.

His first reaction was abject gratitude. "Oh, God, I'm so glad. I really want--"

But then an image of Lex popped into his head. Lex listening to him blurt out the truth ab out his other-world origins as if it was any other teenaged secret. Lex looking at Clark's body like it was something to cherish, not something to be afraid of. Lex understanding, not judging. And suddenly Clar k couldn't go on pretending. If Lana really w anted him, it was going to have to be for wh o he really was.

She watched him expectantly.

"I just need to tell you something first," he said.

She smiled. "You know you can tell me anything."

"It's, uh--k ind of private. Maybe we could--" He looked around. "Come on." He took her hand and led her over to the janitor's closet.

"You see, I found out something about myself a couple of years ago that came as a pretty big surprise--" he said, as he closed the door behind them.

A moment later, there was a loud "gross!" The door slammed open, and Lana legged it up the hall.

Yeah, Clark thought. That went well.

***

When school finally let out, it seemed only natural to go see Lex. At the castle, he found a stream of moving men hauling an odd assemblage of equipment out to a truck--plasma screens and display cases and odd scientific-looking paraphernalia that Clark couldn't imagine what Lex was doing with.

He picked his way through the chaos and found Lex holed up in his study with the door closed, trying to ignore all the upheaval.

"What's going on?"

Lex shrugged. "Just getting rid of some things I don't need anymore."

"It's a mess out there. Helen must have gone to the hospital just to get a way from the noise."

"I'm afraid Helen is one of the things that has departed."

Clark wen t pale. "Not because--"

Lex shook his head. "No, no, Clark, nothing like that. Conflicting goals. Trust issues. The usual relationship stuff."

"I'm really sorry."

Lex shrugged. "Win some, lose some, I gues s."

"You must be upset. If this is a bad time--"

"It's not." He gestured toward the sofa. "Have a seat."

"I don't want to intrude--"

Lex went to the bar and held up a bottle of water.

"Uh--okay. Thanks."

Lex tossed it to him, and Clark made himself comfortable on the couch. Lex poured himself a drink and joined him.

"So what brings you by?"

Clark unscrewed the cap of his water, took a sip. "Something occurred to me. And made me curious."

"Yeah?"

Cl ark nodded. "I realized that you never said any thing about it."

Lex smiled. "It was good for me too, if that's what you mean."

Clark blushed. "I'm glad. But I meant the other thing. You know, that I'm not exactly from around here."

"Ah." Lex looked do wn at the glass in his hand and didn't elaborate.

"That's it?"

"You were expecting something more dramatic?"

"Well--" Clark frowned. "Yeah."

"I know this may insult the pride you take in your powers of deception, Clark, but the fact that you're not fr om around here didn't exactly come as a big surprise to me."

Clark made a rueful face. "I gue ss I'm not quite as smooth as I like to think, huh?"

"Not quite." The corner of Lex's mouth quirked up.

"So--" Clark took a deep breath to ask the next questi on. "What are we going to do about your father?"

Lex's smile disappeared instantly. "Let me h andle that."

"But--"

"I won't ever let him hurt you, Clark. I promise."

Clark stared at him. "You can't--"

"I'm not going to kill him." Lex rolled his eyes. "Some of the ideas you have about me are less than flattering, you know."

"So what are you going to do?"

Lex sighed. "Everyone has their weaknesses, Clark. My father, grand master of the mindfuck that he is, is susceptible to conspiracy theorie s. I've already planted some evidence to make him think things are not quite as they seem. A tra il of bread crumbs to suggest Walden was paid off and hustled out of the country, that the unrecognizably burned body was a drifter caught in a warehouse fire, the imprint on the hand a hoax. I've given my father just enough hints to believe that every ex traterrestrial thing he's seen has merely been sleight of hand, to distract him from secrets more important and far more lucrative than an alien farmboy could ever be. I'm expecting a ranting visit from hi m any day now."

Clark narrowed his eyes suspiciou sly. "That sounds like something out of the X Files."

Lex smiled cheerfully. "My father doesn't watch television. And while we're discussing containment, it would be helpful to know who else is in on the secret."

"Just my parents. And Pete. And, well--I told Lana today."

Lex went perfectly still. "Are you sure that was a good idea?"

Clark sighed. "Probably not. Although I'm certain she won't tell anyone. In fact, she's probably blocking it from her me mory as we speak. I just really had to know. If it made a difference to her. And, well, it does."

"I'm sure once she's had some time to get used to it--"

Clark shook his head. "You didn't see her face. I think she has this idea now-- That it's not just big. But kind of, you know, a tentacle."

Lex stru ggled to keep a straight face, but finally couldn't. And Clark had to laugh, too.

"She backed away from me like I was something out of 'Alien'."

"Oh, C lark. Clark." Lex cupped Clark's head in his hand, stroked his hair with his thumb. "I'm sorry. I really am."

He shrugged. "Win some, lose some, like you said. And it's not as if this came as a big surprise, either. I even asked her once, rhetorically, if she'd like to meet an alien, and she said she'd be scared. And she was. Anyway, I think it probably worked out for the best."

He held Lex's gaze. Lex tightened his fingers in Clark's hair. Clark leaned forward a little, and then Lex's lips were on his, touching off the spark that had been simmering be tween them since Clark first got there, possibly sin ce the first moment they laid eyes on each other. The kissing quickly grew frenzied, Clark pressed back against the cushions, Lex half draped over him. And it occurred to Clark that he was rather glad L ana had rejected him. Because if she hadn't, he'd hav e to stop doing this. And this wasn't anything he wanted to give up anytime soon.

Lex started to turn kind of blue, human need to breathe and all, a nd finally broke the kiss. He rested his head against Clark's shoulder and murmured something Clark couldn't quite make out, but that sounded extremely satisfied.

Clark stroked the soft skin of his scalp and asked the one thing he most wanted to know. "B e honest," he said. "Didn't it freak you out just a little bit?"

"No," Lex said, with perfect assurance.

"Then you're the only one."

Lex pulled back to look at him. "Clark--"

"It's true. My parents seem half afraid of me sometimes. Pete always wants me to do tricks. And Lana--well, you heard how well t hat went. You're the only one who sees me as just--me."

"Just you is all I've ever wanted," Lex said, softly.

Clark pulled him down for another kiss. "I want you, too. I want--" He pictured Lex's bed, all the imaginative things they could do there. "Eve rything." He sighed. "Although, with my luck, I probab ly have an inhumanly tiny asshole to go with my oversized dick."

"Clark." Lex's eyes sparkled. "You say that as if it's bad thing."

He laughed. "Well, I guess at least it will be an adventure finding out."

Lex smiled. "Now that's the spirit."

Clark grinned back at him. Suddenly, being an anatomically incorrect alien didn't seem like such a bad deal, after all.µ

Date: 2003-05-22 01:37 pm (UTC)
ext_988: (Default)
From: [identity profile] ingrid-m.livejournal.com
Adorable, hot and FAB-u-lous! My favorite kind of fuck-buddy fic.

"You know, Clark, I truly appreciate that you've refused to draw any conclusions from the fact that I spend the GDP of a small country on clothes and my favo rite color is lilac.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! to go with my :::: THUD! :::::

Bravo! *throws roses* @--->---

Date: 2003-05-22 05:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] scribblinlenore.livejournal.com
*hugs* Thank you for the roses, Ingrid! I'm so glad you liked it. :)

Date: 2003-05-22 02:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] meret.livejournal.com
This is fantastic! Hilariously funny and very, very hot at the same time! thanks you for posting it. :)

Date: 2003-05-22 05:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] scribblinlenore.livejournal.com
I was in a silly mood, and this is what came out. I'm glad you liked it, Meret!

Date: 2003-05-22 02:34 pm (UTC)
ext_7408: (Default)
From: [identity profile] yavannauk.livejournal.com
Oh my, that is hot! Lex is such a good friend.

Date: 2003-05-22 05:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] scribblinlenore.livejournal.com
Anything for his good buddy Clark! *g*

Date: 2003-05-22 02:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fleegull.livejournal.com
Pete always wants me to do tricks.

Bwah!

Perfect, riftless fic. Exactly what we all need right now.

Date: 2003-05-22 05:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] scribblinlenore.livejournal.com
I'm so glad you thought so, Fleegull! Thanks for commenting. :)

Date: 2003-05-22 03:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] paperbkryter.livejournal.com
Hot and hysterical. That's a nice combination.

Date: 2003-05-22 05:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] scribblinlenore.livejournal.com
I'm so glad you enjoyed it! I really needed to write some Clexy silliness after the season finale.

Re:

Date: 2003-05-22 05:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] paperbkryter.livejournal.com
Ah, yes. My angst muse is crowing, but the comic muse is lurking in the background as well.

bahahahahahahaha!!!

Date: 2003-05-22 03:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tamalinn.livejournal.com
but i think of all the fabulous lines in this fic, this one was my favorite:
Lex shrugged. "Hey, what are friends for?" And disappeared down the stairs.

Frankly, Clark had never thought it was for practicing sexual penetration, but then, clearly, there was a lot about this human life he still had to learn.

you are just too funny. and damn good at writing hot sex. go you! and thanks for sharing :O)

Re: bahahahahahahaha!!!

Date: 2003-05-22 05:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] scribblinlenore.livejournal.com
Awww. *hugs* Thank you so much, Elizabeth. I'm so glad you liked it! I miss the light-hearted Clex moments, so I decided to make some of my own. *g*

Date: 2003-05-22 03:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lapetite-kiki.livejournal.com
That was definitely fun to read and hot.
Very well done!

Date: 2003-05-22 05:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] scribblinlenore.livejournal.com
I'm so glad you liked it, Kiki! I do enjoy writing a helpful Lex. *g*

Date: 2003-05-22 04:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rivkat.livejournal.com
This was just what I needed to brighten a gloomy day. Thanks for posting it.

Date: 2003-05-22 05:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] scribblinlenore.livejournal.com
I'm so glad you liked it, Rivka! :) I was just in the mood for some silliness.

Date: 2003-05-22 04:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] shaggirl.livejournal.com
And thusly my Lenore love grows. :)

Date: 2003-05-22 05:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] scribblinlenore.livejournal.com
Awww. *hug* Thank you, Dana! :)

Date: 2003-05-22 04:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cleohs.livejournal.com
Hee! I've read this four times now. I just keep going back and reading it again, lol. It's hilarious, and hot, and so, so sweet. This one is definitely going into the "favorite stories" folder. Thanks so much for sharing it with us!

Date: 2003-05-22 06:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] scribblinlenore.livejournal.com
This one is definitely going into the "favorite stories" folder.

Awww. That's so nice to hear, Cleo. I'm so glad you liked it!

Thank you for the lovely feedback. :)

Date: 2003-05-22 07:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] xnitelite.livejournal.com
I think she has this idea now-- That it's not just big. But kind of, you know, a tentacle."

Wahahahaha!!! Lana's loss. This was hilarious, hot and adorable, Lenore. Thanks so much for brightening my day!

Date: 2003-05-23 06:26 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] scribblinlenore.livejournal.com
*hugs* Thanks, Nite! I'm so glad you enjoyed it.

I always felt that Lana would drop Clark so fast and so hard if she ever found out he was an alien. Watching Exodus, though, she seemed to have more perserverance. But la-la-la-la-la. I'm retreating into Clexy denial. *g*

Date: 2003-05-22 09:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] carlanesses.livejournal.com
Bwahahaa! That's awesome! I love it when people come up with new ways for Lana to get the shaft - or not get it, as the case may be.

Date: 2003-05-23 06:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] scribblinlenore.livejournal.com
I love it when people come up with new ways for Lana to get the shaft - or not get it, as the case may be.

I definitely vote that she not get this particular shaft. *bg*

Thanks, Carlanesses! I'm so glad you liked it. :)

Date: 2003-05-22 10:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fairy-tale-echo.livejournal.com
How do I love this story? Let me count the ways.

The way Lana says gross and priss-es her way out of relevance.
The way Lex comes out as bisexual to Clark.
The precise details of every moment: from "Young Farmer Kent" to the hot sex.
The hot sex,
The hot sex,
The hot sex.
The humor and panic.
The moment they know all they want is each other.

Lenore, as ever and always, I am so your bitch right now! :D

Date: 2003-05-23 06:37 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] scribblinlenore.livejournal.com
*hugs* Thanks for the lovely feedback, doll! I'm such a big sap. I just love the idea that Lex is the only one who can really understand.

I'm so glad you enjoyed the story! :)

Date: 2003-05-23 01:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] joyfulgirl41.livejournal.com
Oh my. *opens a window* That was...cute and funny and hot and hot and hot, a little more hot, hot and hot some more. Just so very very lovely. *adores*

Date: 2003-05-23 06:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] scribblinlenore.livejournal.com
*hugs* Thanks, Joyfulgirl! Watching "Witness" and the flaming backside scene, I kept thinking: "He's a *big* boy." *g*

I'm glad you liked this!

Date: 2003-05-23 06:09 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] siobhan-w.livejournal.com
LOL. Loved this! Poor Clark - he's an unfortunate, lonely, freakishly well-hung alien. Thank God Lex is there to reassure him and take care of him. *g*

Date: 2003-05-23 06:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] scribblinlenore.livejournal.com
Thank God Lex is there to reassure him and take care of him. *g*

It's a difficult chore. But you know Lex. Anything for his friends. *g*

Thanks, Siobhan! I'm so glad you liked it. :)

Date: 2003-05-23 06:50 am (UTC)
thornsilver: (Default)
From: [personal profile] thornsilver
I have enjoyed your stories before, but frankly, this one is above and beyond.

Everybody is in character, and, I thought, that the mix of ridiculous and unusual really fit with the show's tone.

Plus, it is hot. And sweet. And Lana got hers. *smirk*

Date: 2003-05-23 03:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] scribblinlenore.livejournal.com
Thanks so much, Thorn! I'm so glad you liked this. :)

I have to admit that I did really enjoy giving Lana hers. *g*

Date: 2003-05-23 04:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] elvisneedsboats.livejournal.com
OMG, Lenore. Alternately funny and hot and funny again. I loved this so, so much! I was quoting lines to a friend who doesn't normally read much SV fic and she ended up having to read it too. And loved it!

Thanks so much for the laugh. I think this one is going into the permanent bookmarks. *g*

Date: 2003-05-24 02:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] scribblinlenore.livejournal.com
Awwww. *hugs* Thanks, Shelley! That's so nice to hear. I'm so glad you and your friend liked it!

And thanks for reccing it. :)

Date: 2003-05-24 01:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] aelita.livejournal.com
This is Great!!! Cute and funny and hot. Damn. Lex is such a wonderful friend. All about sacrafice. Heh.

Frankly, Clark had never thought it was for practicing sexual penetration, but then, clearly, there was a lot about this human life he still had to learn.

LOL Poor Clark. Fuck buddies is the best. *eg*

Date: 2003-05-24 02:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] scribblinlenore.livejournal.com
All about sacrafice. Heh.

*g* There's just nothing Lex won't do for a friend!

I'm so glad you liked it, Aelita. Thanks for the lovely feedback! :)

Date: 2003-05-24 09:11 pm (UTC)
ext_9018: (Default)
From: [identity profile] goth-clark.livejournal.com
This is so fabulous. I loved it. I just love when Lex helps Clark out with his - assets.

Date: 2003-05-25 05:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] scribblinlenore.livejournal.com
*hugs* Thanks, GothGirl! I'm so glad you liked it. :)

And, yes, Lex is just so selfless when it comes to helping his friends. *g*

Date: 2003-05-25 12:52 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] out-there.livejournal.com
Hee! That's great. The smut was hot and the rest of it made me giggle like a loon!

Date: 2003-05-25 05:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] scribblinlenore.livejournal.com
I'm so glad you liked it, Annie! Thanks for the feedback. :)

Date: 2003-05-25 08:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sinisterf.livejournal.com
*g* This was a lot of a fun to read Lenore! A perfect mix of sillyness, sexyness and sweetness! Sorry the response is late on this though, I missed it on my friends list and found it via the SSA :D

Date: 2003-05-26 07:52 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] scribblinlenore.livejournal.com
*hugs* Thanks so much, Brandy! I'm so glad you thought it was fun. After Exodus, I needed a little levity. And, well, this is just what came out. *g*

Date: 2007-07-15 04:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] real-lexgirl.livejournal.com
Again, I totally loved this story. Lex was so sweet with Clark and the sex was so beautiful and kind of romantic. Totally and absolutely a great story.

Date: 2007-08-28 06:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] scribblinlenore.livejournal.com
I've always felt that part of the tragedy of Clark not trusting Lex with his secret is that Lex is probably the only person who'd really understand and be okay with it. That's what makes them such a romantic and meant-to-be pairing in fan fic.

So glad you liked this!

Date: 2008-04-22 07:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] adam-brittboy.livejournal.com
So. Okay, this is the second Smallville slash fiction I've ever read!

And wouldn't you know, as good as the first, if not better!

Why better? Well, having Clark so well hung gives it extra points on its own :)

I'm rubbish at feedback. I don't really know what to say except I enjoyed it. LOVED IT!

A little sad, a little funny. A-lot-hot!

Date: 2008-04-26 03:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] scribblinlenore.livejournal.com
Well, having Clark so well hung gives it extra points on its own

Hee! I'm really pleased you enjoyed the story. I did have a lot of fun writing it.

Date: 2008-07-06 04:47 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] twinsarein.livejournal.com
OMG, this was excellent! So funny, hot, and a little sad (that Clark had to suffer through Lana's reactions). How fantastic that you fit all of that into your story. Such a well-hung Clark is a great fantasy image in my head ;)

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