scribblinlenore | I feel an SGA poll coming on!

I haven't polled in a long time. I've missed it! I wanted to do a whole big, long thing with SGA, SV and Supernatural, but then I had to do all this other stuff. So...just SGA for now.

Here are four "the wacky planet made us do it" scenarios in which John and Rodney have sex for the first time. Take the poll and vote for your favorite.

Conjugal Visit

Rodney's people skills get him sentenced to three months in prison for unnecessary surliness on the Planet of Extreme Decorum. The planet's Ancient technology keeps John from just blasting Rodney out of there, and finally his only choice is to accept the jail term, but he demands weekly visits. The Extremely Decorous people say that only conjugal visits are allowed, and John quickly assures them that this was what he meant. He figures he and Rodney don't actually have to do anything, but after the third sexless visit, the Extremely Decorous people, who are by-the-book when it comes to rules, insist that he will not be allowed back if he doesn't start performing his conjugal duties like a decorous spouse. John explains this to Rodney, who throws up his hands and says, "Fine. Take me, Colonel. I'm yours to do with as you please. It's not as if I have anything else to occupy my time." Not the most ringing endorsement John has ever had, but he doesn't want Rodney to be all alone on the planet for the next nine weeks. So he gets them naked, and they have sex, and it's kind of awkward, but it gets better with every visit. Finally, Rodney's parole date comes, and they practically run for the stargate, before Rodney can say anything else that might land him back in jail. Back on Atlantis, Rodney says kind of wistfully to John, "I guess there's no reason for us to have sex anymore, huh?" John smiles and says, "I don't think it would be very decorous for us to stop now."

The Appropriate Tribute

On the Planet of Phallic Worship, there's a powerful energy reading coming from the very sacred, very phallic-shaped temple. Rodney gets so excited he nearly combusts and demands they go and explore it at once. But in order to be allowed into the temple, tribute must be paid to the high priest in the form of a blowjob. After some squabbling about who is going to get on their knees, John finally sighs, "Fine. I'm the leader. I'll do it." So Shep takes one for the team, and he's so good at it that the high priest commends him on his technique, and needless to say, that raises some eyebrows. Inside the temple, they find a ZPM and trade a supply of cockrings for it, sheepishly donated by the botanists. Back home, Rodney doesn't get the memo that he should be discreet about what happened on the Planet of Phallic Worship, and he keeps asking Shep how he managed to be so good at giving that blowjob, and Shep keeps trying to shut him up. Finally, he says, "Don't ask, don't tell. You've heard of the concept?" Rodney stares for a moment, and then he gets it, and then he says, "Okay. So let's skip the conversation and go straight to the part where we have sex."

Animal Magnetism

John gets separated from the rest of the team on the Planet of Gothic Vegetation. He doesn't answer his radio, and Teyla, Ronon and Rodney have to frantically search for him on foot. They finally find him, injured and unconscious, with a bit mark on his leg as if he's been attacked by a wild animal, although their sensors detected no animal life. They get him back to Atlantis, and Beckett treats him, and he seems to be fine...until he starts acting bizarrely. He becomes nocturnal, staying up all night, sleeping most of the day. He develops a very aggressive streak, trying to establish dominance in any group he's in. And he gets downright obsessive about Rodney, sticking close to him, tracking his movements with his eyes, fighting off anyone who even looks like they might try to touch Rodney. The team hauls him back to the infirmary, and Beckett checks his blood again. There's some sort of foreign enzyme in it, presumably from whatever animal bit him, and that seems to be affecting his behavior. The good news is that the enzyme is starting to break down. The bad news is that in the meantime Shep seems to be experiencing the desire to mate. Elizabeth confines him to his room, and puts guards outside the door to try to keep him away from Rodney, the object of his animal-driven affections, but guards are no match for nature. Shep breaks out and breaks into Rodney's room. Rodney is scared at first, as Shep paws at him and licks his neck and sniffs him all over, but it is Sheppard, and after a while Rodney starts to find it hot. He pushes John away long enough to take off his clothes and tells him, "I just want you to remember when you're in your right mind again that I said yes."

Dancing With the Stars

The team arrives on the Planet of This Is What Happens When There's No Television in time for the big annual dance contest. Couples from all over the Pegasus galaxy have come to perform the traditional dance of the Televisionless Folks in the hopes of taking home the traveling trophy, that just happens to be a fully charged ZPM, not that anyone realizes this but the Atlanteans. They call back to Elizabeth who says she'll ask for fox-trotting volunteers, but the Televisionless Folks say the deadline for new entrants has just passed. Two among the four of them can compete, or they can go home empty-handed. Teyla says that dance is revered among her people, and Ronon boasts that he was considered the most graceful among all Sitedan warriors, but the Televisionless Dance Captain has money riding on the couple from the Planet of Sultry Vixens, so he pulls out a little known rule that says the two highest ranking members of a delegation must perform. Technically, that means Sheppard and McKay. They grumble about it, but finally agree, and Teyla finds a local with a grudge against the Dance Captain who's willing to teach them. They spend long days practicing with many shouted exclamations of "this is my dance space, that's yours!" and "spaghetti arms, watch the spaghetti arms!" Their coach insists that to dance well together a couple needs to be in harmony, so he makes McKay and Sheppard do everything together, including sleeping in the same bed together. At first they're both intent on not having sex, because they just have to draw the line somewhere at how much they'll do to win a dance contest. But then, they remember they're men, and they do spend all day touching each other, and it is getting kind of frustrating. Thus ends their pledge of no nookie. Of course, the sex is really hot, and that brings a spark to their performance, and they end up winning the competition. As they're taking the ZPM back to Atlantis, John says to Rodney, "So, any thoughts on how we should celebrate?" And Rodney smiles rather naughtily. "Oh, I have an idea or two."

[Poll #735508]

Or, of course, feel free to suggest your own wacky planet adventures in the comments!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

glitterdemon.livejournal.com

so hard! all of the scenarios sound sexy and wacky, as it should be. so, i voted for conjugal visit, but it was a debate between that and animal magnetism.

From:

Not a homecoming queen

I feel an SGA poll coming on!

Navigation

Page Summary

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags